The Dirty Little Secret
by Laidonnerus
Summary: Remus Lupin was bit by a werewolf when he was little, making him transform into the dangerous creature himself at every full moon. For all of his life, he is forced to carry around this secret... but can he? Rated T for safety.
1. A Dream of Secrets

The bright sun shone through the leaves of the trees. The light cascaded onto the moss covered floor, crawling up the rocks that lay in its path. It landed on the top of a large boulder and illuminated the face of a small boy. He squinted his eyes at the bright light and squeezed them tight as the sunlight attempted to squeeze through. Slightly annoyed, he slid off the rock to find a shadier spot.

His bare feet landed on the cool forest floor. The grass squeezed between his toes as he examined his surroundings carefully. He soon found a large tree with roots that were as tall as his knees. Excitedly, he quickly created an obstacle course: jump over that root, crawl under that one, swing on the vine, and so on. In the end, he landed in a little corner that was stuck in the middle of two roots. He leaned back and rested his head on the tree's large trunk. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. The leaves above him rustled as the calm wind blew through them. The calming noise was soothing as he drifted off to sleep.

After a long time, the sun began to fade past the trees. The once bright sky began to glow a dark blue and blended into red somewhere around the horizon. Stars began to faintly appear against the blackening sky. The boy awoke silently, not wanting to leave. Yet, he heard his mother's voice ringing in his mind: "The forest holds many dangers, Remus, especially in the dark of the night." Remembering those words, Remus Lupin heaved himself to his feet and looked up into the sky.

The stars began to glitter now, winking cheerfully at him. His gaze drifted over to the round, full moon. He stared at it in awe. He loved full moons. They made him feel peaceful and calm. Its bright light seemed to illuminate his gloomy surroundings and gave the scariest bit of the forest a warm touch. Remus sighed heavily and headed on home. He knew in his mind that the forest wasn't safe for a seven-year-old boy like him, but his heart thought differently.

He jumped onto a root and decided to give himself on last bit of excitement. He seized a hanging vine and pushed off the root as hard as he could and began to swing around and around. Remus stuck out his feet, ready to land in an open clearing in front of him. All of a sudden, the vine snapped sending Remus flying to the ground. He landed far from his target, and instead fell by the base of the tree. His feet stumbled on the uneven surface. His arms flew around wildly attempting to keep himself balanced. Instead, his foot became wedged in between the roots of the tree and he spun around. A sharp pain rose up to his knee as he dropped to his hands and gasped. Remus stayed still for a while then examined the damage.

His right foot was stuck tightly in a little hole. Annoyed, he tried to pull his foot out, but only succeeded in making the pain worse. Deciding that that wasn't the smartest thing to do, he grasped his leg firmly and bit his tongue to keep him from screaming. Remus gave a mighty tug and rolled off to the side with his foot free. Muttering angrily, he sat up straight and looked at his injured foot.

Remus examined his ankle as it turned an unnatural shade and began to swell up rapidly. He noticed the sharp pain that rose up his leg every time he moved it. Deciding that it would be best to leave his shoe on, he pulled himself up and began to hop out of the forest.

He carefully made his way through the roots of the tree and finally ended up at his preferred target. Remus stood in the middle of the clearing and looked up dreamily at the night sky.

The moon shone in the sky brightly as the light dripped down and landed on him while the stars around it twinkled happily. Remus gave them a slight smile ad looked around him. The forest now looked dark and dangerous, and the gloom of the trees looked extremely uninviting. Remus hesitated before plunging nervously into the darkness.

Around him, vines were hanging sadly and branches protruded angrily into the path. He winced slightly whenever a large, sharp twig scraped through his skin. With some difficulty, he navigated his way through the wild maze. After a while, he began to see a small sparkling light in the distance. He knew he was almost home.

Remus limped as fast as he could to the shining light. All of a sudden, his shirt caught an obtruding branch. Knowing how annoyed his mother would be if he came home late with his clothes in shreds, he hurriedly turned around to undo the snagged thread. He fiddled with the string in the darkness for a couple of minutes, only to accomplish creating an even bigger knot. Remus muttered angrily to himself as he attempted to break the thick branch off from the trunk of its tree. No success. He went back to the knot, and was just about to try and snap the thick thread when he heard the snapping and crunching of leaves and twigs coming from the depths of the forest. He immediately stopped what he was doing and stared into the trees in a shocked silence. His hands begged him to work at the knot, but he couldn't. He stood motionless in his spot, too petrified to go anywhere.

Then, two gleaming eyes appeared from the gloom. They looked hard at Remus as if they were evaluating him. Remus winced at the stare of the piercing eyes and gulped past the hard knot that had formed in his throat. A low, soft growl was emitted from the creature, and the faint light gleamed off of its fierce, snarling teeth. Remus looked at the eyes with fear. The creature breathed heavily and his eyes narrowed. Then, the crunching started up again. The yellow eyes grew wider and gave Remus a targeting stare. Remus snapped out of his shocked state, and fumbled wildly with the tangled mess. The creature approached him. It was only ten feet away…nine feet… eight….

Remus gave a mighty tug and the string snapped free from the branch. He spun on his heels, and then suddenly remembered his sprained ankle. Remus stumbled at the sudden memory and tripped. He hurriedly picked himself up and tore as fast as he could out of the forest.

Remus raced out of the trees, wincing with every step he took. The back of his home was just in view between the trees. He was almost home. The creature stayed at his heels, determined not to lose him. He felt it right behind him; he knew he wouldn't be able to escape into the house with that animal right at his feet. Remus sprinted to the side of the house where he saw a rake leaned on the wall. Desperate, he seized it and threw it behind him. A loud bark came from the animal and an angry growl followed.

Remus continued to run to the front of the house when his sprained ankle twisted itself painfully. He gasped in pain, and threw himself against the house. He leaned his forehead against the wall as his eyes burned with painful tears. He clenched his fists and panted for breath. Inside the house, he heard his mother's panicked footsteps attempting to hurry to his aide. Then, a triumphant growl was heard behind him. Remus turned around and pressed his back flat on the wall in terror.

A werewolf stood in front of him and growled, ready to attack. Remus stood against the house, not knowing what to do next. Suddenly, a figure behind the werewolf appeared out of thin air in the distance. The tired man began to walk towards the house, Remus, and the animal, but took no notice in the boy's trouble. The footsteps in the house became louder and louder as they frantically rushed around the house. Remus detected that the creature was annoyed that he and his prey were about to be disturbed. He was finally able to muster up his courage to shout for help.

"DAD!"

His father looked up, first confused, and then shocked. At the same time, his mother had thrown open the front door, scared. Then, the animal lunged at Remus. He threw up his arms in attempt to shield the ferocious beast with his arms, but had no success. A sharp pain screamed from his right side as he felt a set of massive jaws sink its teeth into him. He felt as if his side was on fire as he screamed in pain.

Remus yelled loudly and bolted upright quickly in his bed, panting heavily. Around him, books and clothes covered the floor. The sounds of the past echoed in his head as he remembered his father shoot a spell at the animal and his mother's frantic cries. It was his least favorite nightmare he had ever had. Even four years later, it was still a horrendous vision that terrified him all the time. He realized that he was entangled in his blankets and carefully began to free himself. Once he was unraveled, Remus wiped the beading sweat on his forehead with his sleeve and breathed slowly to ease his racing heart.

An old desk sat to his right in front of an open window. An ancient dresser was placed on the opposite side of the room and, apparently, was no help at all at organizing his clothes and belongings. Some other furniture scattered the room, yet not a single poster that you would expect to be covering an eleven-year-old boy's wall was there. Remus clicked on the lamp on the dresser next to his bed, and a strong light instantly filled the room. Remus groaned and squinted at the brightness and hurriedly turned it off. Tired, he sighed deeply and flopped back down on his pillow.

That dream… he hated it. He despised going back and reliving that horrible day in his dreams. He sadly remembered his parent's sad faces as he lay in his bed in St. Mungo's when they told him what he would have to become every full moon. The fact must pain them as much as it did to him.

Remus sighed and looked across his room to the only window that sat above his desk. A crescent moon stood brightly in the sky, gleaming over the forest. The trees didn't move unless a calm breeze blew over them. The sky was clear without a single cloud in sight. Stars sparkled brightly against the dark canvas of the night.

A chilling breeze blew into Remus' room, sending a loose paper floating across the floor. Remus shivered, and got up to close the window. As he did, a sharp, but small, pain was emitted from his side. Remus winced and drew back his breath sharply. He carefully examined the scar that was left by that monstrous creature. When he was little, he used to think that the wolf had no intention of biting Remus, and just suffered the fate that Remus now had to endure. But a little eavesdropping and a bit of pestering told him he was wrong.

The werewolf that had bit him was called Fenrir Greyback, he was told by his tired father not to long ago. Greyback deliberately places himself near young children before he transform at the full moon. This time, it was for revenge.

"Who was the revenge against?" Remus had asked curiously, trying not to annoy him too much.

His father sighed and rubbed his eyes before he spoke, something that he did more and more often now when he was thinking of what to say, or if he should even say anything.

"Me," he had quietly replied at last.

Remus didn't know what to say then. Part of him had felt that he should be angry at his father for being the reason that he got attacked in the first place. Yet when he saw his father's depressed face Remus knew that his father felt worse than Remus did about the fact that his son would become a werewolf at every full moon. Remus was quickly able to forgive his dad for thrusting this fate upon him.

Remus rubbed the scar soothingly until the pain subsided. He continued to the window and gazed out of it. The air was cool and fresh. Light from the moon shone beautifully in the night sky. Remus loved the splendor of the moon. One of his dearest wishes was to be able to see the full moon without also having to endure the pain of transforming into a beastly animal at the sight of it, for once. He never used to think that such a sight to be so magnificent and he took it for granted, but now….

Remus shook those thoughts out of his head and snapped out of his reverie. He looked at the beautiful crescent moon once more before closing the window carefully and climbing back into bed. He pulled the covers to his chin and stared at the ceiling with a sad feeling gleaming in his eyes.

What he would give just to be a normal kid again….


	2. Tough Decisions

A sharp knocking at his bedroom door woke him up once more. His mother opened the creaking door, slowly.

"Remus?" she asked. "Are you awake?"

"I am now," he replied, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

His mom smiled. "Come down for breakfast, then."

Remus grunted confirmatively and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He dragged his feet over to the door and he followed his mother down the steps to the kitchen.

A pan was frying itself and its contents magically on the stove. Every so often it would expertly flip the pancake or throw it perfectly onto an awaiting plate on the side of the stove while the bowl next to it would pour batter into it. Remus' mother had already set a plate of eggs and bacon onto the table. He looked at it hungrily as he sat at the table and began to spoon himself some of everything. His mother retrieved the pancakes and summoned the syrup with a flick of her wand as she sat across from her son who had already begun to devour everything in sight.

"Eat slower, Remus," his mother said firmly, but with a small smile on her face. Remus grinned at her and did as he was told. A few minutes later, they heard the front door opening and closing, then footsteps approaching them in the kitchen.

Remus' father came home from the midnight shift at work with a tired look on his face. He laid his briefcase onto a nearby table, gave his wife a small kiss, and joined them at the table.

"I better hurry or else this kid over here will eat all the food," he said, jokingly.

Remus gave them all a rascal grin and ate slower to give his parents a chance. He was getting full anyway.

When they finished eating, Remus and his father helped put the dishes in the sink while his mother continuously waved her wand at the sponge to wipe the table and the dishes. Once they were all cleaned up, Remus headed upstairs contently to his room. When he got there, he closed the door quietly and made his way to his desk. He sat himself down on the old, tattered chair and was soon engulfed in a cloud of dust. Brushing it away, he took a book from his desk and began to read from where he had left off last. A picture on the page showed a wild dog-like creature prowling in a forest. It emerged from the thick bunch of tree and looked up at the night sky. It then ran and perched itself on a high rock and stared once more at the bright sphere floating beautifully in the dark sky. The animal howled noiselessly at the moon, then rushed back into the depths of the trees.

Remus stared at the picture in silence. That was him; that horrible creature of the forest was an image of _him_. As much as he hated to think that it was the truth, it was. He sighed, and quickly turned the page and continued reading through the dusty, boring words about these creatures. At every word, his eyelids became heavier. The dull words drifted into his mind, and went zooming out of it. If he just lay his head down for just a moment….

Remus blinked slowly. His head rested on an old book while his arms were flailed on his desk. He yawned tiredly and stretched his arms. Outside, the sun shone down at him through the window, nearly setting at the horizon, but already dying the sky a deep red. He smiled at the beautiful view and looked down at his "pillow." The book he was reading was opened to a page completely filled with tiny words that couldn't even be made out from a distance. No wonder he had fell asleep. Or maybe it was because of the approaching full moon.

He marked his page and closed the book, carefully setting it on the side for later. Remus pushed off the desk and went downstairs to see what his parents were doing on such a boring day. His mother was sitting in the living room, reading a book just like her son was doing. Every so often, she would smile to herself, laugh slightly, make a mad frown, or something of the sort. Remus always thought that his mother used an interesting approach to reading. It was as if she was attempting to act out the story herself. Remus smiled, and looked at where his father usually sat. The newspaper was thrown on the small, battered coffee table between the two chairs with the pages of today's news scattered everywhere. It looked like he had left in a hurry.

"Where's Dad?" he asked.

"Hmm?" his mother responded, looking up from her book. "Oh, he got an emergency owl from work. Something about a report of an illegal animal in a muggle neighborhood, I think."

Remus nodded in understanding and took his father's chair. His dad had to do this sometimes: leave suddenly on an emergency call for his job at the Ministry of Magic handling magical creatures. That job had caused Fenrir to get mad at Remus' father at bite Remus in the first place. Remus didn't know the exact reason why the animal did, but he did know that it was his father's job that caused the creature to get mad at him.

Remus leaned back on the soft cushions and closed his eyes. The silence, to Remus, was completely boring, especially for someone adventurous as him. They both waited in the quiet for a couple of minutes which began to feel like hours. Remus opened his eyes and peered through the nearest window. The sun was still slightly above the horizon, still spreading its light across the earth. He sighed, and began to fiddle with the loose strings in the cushions. He knew his boredom could only be cured one way, but he knew his mother would say no. Well, it was worth a try.

"Um… Mom?" Remus started, tentatively.

"Hmm?" she replied, now working on a crossword puzzle in her husband's newspaper.

"Can I… err… well… could I… err… go to the forest?"

Remus' mother instantly stopped working on the puzzle and looked up from the paper. She slowly leaned back and sighed deeply, folding the paper slowly as she did so.

"Remus, you know I don't like you going there."

"Yes, but I promise I'll be careful!" Remus pleaded. He would do nearly anything to get out of this boredom.

"That's exactly what you said last time."

"Yeah, but that was four years ago! I'll be careful this time! I promise!"

"I don't want you to go there again." Her voice was becoming sterner with every word she said.

"Mom, please-,"

"I said no!"

Remus looked at her, taken aback. Her usually kind face was angry and her eyes were filled with fire. He looked at her hard, and then stormed up to his room.

"Remus-," his mother started, yet he didn't look back. He stomped into his room and slammed the door behind him. Remus angrily kicked his desk causing his toe to throb in pain. Muttering irately, he sat on the edge of his bed and began to nurse his injury. Why was she always like this? Why was she so… overprotective? He knew that he had been extremely rude and was being stubborn, but he didn't care. She had overreacted too. Remus never had the freedom to do what he pleased. Ever since he got bit he never got to go back into his beloved forest again. Not even if it was during the day and he was with a responsible, skilled adult. He never got to go to different places and meet new people since then. Never able to go to places where there were lots of people. Never allowed to make friends….

Yet he knew why his mother acted like this. She was worried about him. Every second of every day she wondered if her only child was alright. She had told him this before, years ago, and it wasn't easy to forget. It was terrible to put her through such worry.

Remus sighed heavily and rested his elbows on his knees. Why? Why did this all have to happen to his family? Why?

He placed his head onto his hands and closed his eyes. He knew why. It was Voldemort's fault. The thing that started it all was because of that dark wizard and his obsession for power. With each day, he became more and more known throughout the wizarding community. Remus remembered how his crimes had appeared more and more often on the front page of the paper as the days went by. Then there was that plot to bring the werewolves to his side. Then there was the struggling Ministry in attempt to stop it. How Remus' father looked when he talked about their failing tries to stop the two forces from joining. Then there was his mission against the animals. And then there was Remus' fate….

That was it… Remus thought. It was Voldemort's desire for strength. And he was still at it. And things were going to stay that way until someone stood up and destroyed him.

It was all because of him… it was because of him that he and his family weren't like before and never will be… and it was because of him that Remus couldn't just be a normal kid for once.

Remus sat there for a long time, pondering these thoughts. Things had to change.

* * *

It was dark by the time Remus headed downstairs. He now knew that his mother had meant well, but couldn't help feel just a bit annoyed with her. Remus walked quietly down the steps with his apology playing over and over in his mind, when he heard two voices conversing softly in the living room. He quickly stopped and edged carefully to the door and listened into the conversation.

"Hope," his father's voice said, home from work. "Remus is a responsible boy. He can take care of himself."

"I know he's responsible," his mother replied. "But can he really keep himself from getting hurt again?"

"Well," his father answered. "I suppose that once he is able to learn some magic, he probably could. You see how much he reads. He probably knows more than us, by now and will learn quickly."

At this, Remus' mother didn't respond.

"Hope?"

"Well…" Remus heard her say quietly. "There was something this morning that came in…."

There was something? There was something for him? And she didn't give it to him? Remus leaned in a little closer.

"Really?" his father said hopefully. "Did you give it to him?"

"Well… no…."

"Hope, how can you do that? It's rightfully his."

"Well..." she continued, her voice getting softer with each word. "It's from…"

Remus leaned in as close as he dared, but it was no use. He couldn't hear a word that she had said.

Apparently, the identity of the sender shocked his father because he became silent as well. Remus peered slightly around the door and saw his mother and father standing and facing the blazing living room fire. His father moved slowly into his chair and sat down, sighing heavily and resting his head in his hands. Remus' mother hesitated and tentatively sat across from her husband. They sat like that in an odd silence for a while; Remus was becoming annoyed with them for not giving him any information. He wanted to burst in and say something, but his mother beat him to it.

"Paul?" she said softly.

He sighed again and lifted his head up, rubbing his eyes. Paul then moved his hand to his chin where he rubbed it in deep thought.

"I think he should go," he finally said.

Remus had no idea what they were talking about. He continued to look between his two parents for some sort of clue.

"Well, I don't think that he should," his mother said, louder than before.

"Hope, you can't keep him locked up forever. He has to be able to go live on his own sometimes."

"I couldn't agree more, but what if he attacks someone? What if something happens to him? We can't be by his side while he's there."

"He would be fine, dear. Besides, I'm sure Dumbledore had thought of a plan for Remus going there or he wouldn't have sent it at all." Dumbledore… Remus thought. Why did that name sound so familiar?

"I still don't think he should go," Remus' mother replied, persistent.

"We can't keep teaching him forever. You can see that he wants to go out and meet new people."

"Yes, but he doesn't know the harm that could come to him or to other people."

"I'm sure-no I'm positive that he does."

"I don't know…"

"If that's the case, why don't we ask him right now?"

Remus didn't wait to hear the answer. He quickly, but quietly ran up the steps and rushed into his room, closing the door silently behind him. He slid into his chair, seizing a random book as he did and hurriedly began to "read" it. A few seconds later, he heard a knock at the door.

"Yeah?" he asked. Perfect timing, he thought with a grin.

"Can we come in?" asked his father's voice.

"Sure," Remus replied.

His dad opened the door slowly and stepped inside, Remus' mom right behind him. Remus closed his book and pushed it to the side, then turned his chair to face his parents. They stood in an awkward silence for a few seconds until his father spoke up.

"Err… your mother has something for you."

Remus' mother gave her husband a shocked look, realized her son was staring expectantly at her, and then began to stutter, looking for words.

"Well… err… what your father means is that… err… _we_ have something to_ show_ you."

She seemed to rethink her words, decide that they were alright, and waved a yellowish envelope into Remus' face. Remus took it excitedly and held it in front of him with his trembling hands. The front stated his name and address. He turned it over and saw a wax seal with a fancy emblem on it. This was it… the certain 'something' they were talking about earlier….

Remus tore it open carefully and pulled out the thick parchment. His fumbling fingers quickly unfolded the letter. At the top of the letter was a bold heading with an elegant style that stated, "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." This was it, he thought. His eyes quickly scanned to where the letter began.

"Dear Mr. Lupin," he read aloud. "We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

Remus stared at it in excitement, his eyes slowly widening with every second. He looked up at his parents, beaming with joy. His father smiled and patted Remus on the shoulder, obviously proud. His mother stayed quiet by the door, her arms folded across her chest and had a worried look on her face. Yet when she saw her son looking at her, she quickly made a fake encouraging smile. Remus knew that she wasn't happy with the letter.

"So… can I go?" he asked, deeply wanting both of his parents to be happy with him. His father's face fell slightly, and they both looked at his mother.

"Well…" his father started. "We haven't really come to a decision yet…."

Remus looked from his father to his mother. His dad shifted his weigh uneasily while his mother avoided her son's gaze quietly.

"What?" Remus asked, slightly surprised. There was a moment of uneasy silence before anyone answered. His father coughed, and then his hands quickly found his pockets. It was his mother who finally found the voice to speak.

"It's dangerous," she said in a quiet voice.

Remus couldn't believe it. First she wouldn't let him go into the forest, and now she wouldn't even let him go to school!

"Hope, I told you, I'm sure he'll be fine there," his father assured her.

"It's not only him I'm concerned about! What about the other students? How would you feel if we had to put another family in the same situation as us?"

Remus didn't like the sound of that. He definitely didn't want to hurt anyone.

"I'm sure a way has been found to keep him and the other children safe."

"I'm sure that there is, but will it work? A werewolf is a strong and dangerous creature."

Remus looked down at the ground. He felt that this creature had taken over his life, that he was now a vicious and violent creature. And that wasn't him.

"Well, Remus isn't. And he's the one that going to go to school."

"No, he's not," Remus' mother said sternly.

"Hope, you can't keep home schooling him. He has to make friends."

"Well, he's not going to make friends if the entire school is able to find out about his… you know…."

His father sighed, and turned to Remus.

"Remus, what would you like to do?"

Remus didn't respond right away. He absolutely knew that he wanted to learn and make new friends at Hogwarts, but he didn't want to hurt anyone or cause trouble either. Plus, what would his parents do without him? He was split into two with this tough decision.

Remus leaned back in his chair and rested his elbow on the armrest, holding his head in deep thought. He didn't know what to do. With either decision he made one of his parents and half of himself disappointed. After what felt like ages, he made up his mind. Remus sighed, and looked up at his parents. This was the choice that would change his life forever.


End file.
